Number Seven

One adorable little munchkin
Two places that we have called home
Three new cars that we have purchased
Four years as a home maker
Five states that we have traveled to together
Six years working side by side in a small office
Seven years of marital bliss

Happy Anniversary!


Winter Wonderland

One of the things that I love most about going to my mom's for Thanksgiving is the weather. This year we were blessed with snow! It was so fun to take Dillon to the snow for the very first time. He loved it! He had so much fun throwing big chunks of snow everywhere and I loved watching his excitement. Plus, he was so cute all dressed up in his rain boots and snow hat.

It was absolutely beautiful there - the trees were dusted with snow and the lake was half frozen over. It gave us the perfect spot to take our Christmas pictures. They were a bit impromptu, but I love how they turned out!



With all the bad stuff going on in our family right now, sometimes it can be a tad bit hard to remember to be thankful. But, I have so much to be thankful for, so in honor of Thanksgiving, here is a list of ten things that I am thankful for (in no particular order):

1. That my husband has a job that can support our family even in this rough economy

2. That I have a roof over my head

3. That God blessed us with this little cutie:

4. That I have food on my table

5.That I have friends and family who care about me

6. That my God is a God who saves

7. That I am finished with my Christmas shopping

8. That the weather is FINALLY cooling down

9. That it is the time of year where I don't seem like a huge dork for listening to Christmas music

10. Peppermint Mocha Twist from Starbucks



Our Angel In Heaven

A week ago today, Tuesday, November Eighteenth, our baby was called home to Heaven. Having a miscarriage has been one of the most difficult things I have ever been through in my life. I knew that it would be tough emotionally, but I had know idea how much physical pain there would be. It was the worst pain ever.
My doctor has no idea what caused the miscarriage and said she can't understand how it could have happened. I was fourteen weeks and one day. We had heard the heartbeat at ten weeks and had seen the baby's heartbeat and the baby moving on not one, but two ultrasounds. Both pregnancy books that I have say that the chances of having a miscarriage under these circumstances are around two percent.
I find comfort in the fact that what happened was in God's hands and part of His plan. I do not even pretend to understand His plan, but I trust in Him completely. I hope that His plan does include more little ones for Jason and me, but if not I will continue to be thankful that we have Dillon. That little boy is such a blessing and brings so much joy into my life.



Today, Jason took me to see Twilight. We decided to go to the earliest showing of the day - at nine-forty-five in the morning - hoping to avoid the crowds - and the teenagers. It worked - the theater was pretty empty.
Overall, I loved the movie. There were a few things that disappointed me, mainly the way that Edward sparkled. I pictured him emiting rays of light, but he just looked like he was covered in glitter. Bummer. I was happy that it followed the book as closely as it did and can't wait to see New Moon... too bad they just started the screenplay.


Give and Take

Lately I’ve been on a journey – or I guess, more accurately an emotional roller coaster. Job 1:21 has been constantly running through my mind: The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD. It’s a verse that I have really taken to heart lately, repeating it to myself over and over and over.

Being pregnant is one of the greatest things ever; an emotional high. But at the same time, the Lord is preparing to call Susan home. Hands down, one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I often find myself literally connecting those two things to the Job verse. He’s giving and He’s taking away. He’s giving me a baby and He’s taking away my best friend.

I first made the connection three years ago… November 2005. I was pregnant with Dillon when Susan was first diagnosed with cancer. They didn’t think she would live long or recover at all. The cancer was stage four when they found it. I wrestled with the fact that she would never get to meet my little guy. I was devastated and clung to the hope that she would be here for that. Slowly, she got stronger and with the chemo treatments and I’m sure – God’s grace - she was thriving and doing way better than her oncologist ever expected. Besides Jason, she was the only person I saw while I was in recovery after my c-section. She was there – she had made it!

Fast forward to a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant with baby number two… I was so happy. Actually, happy doesn’t even begin to cover it. It was more like floating around on a cloud. And then all of a sudden Susan started getting weaker and not feeling good. She went to see her doctor and he gave her the worst news ever: her cancer was taking over. He was going to give her one more round of chemo and if that didn’t work… well, I didn’t even want to think about that option. But that is now our reality as she wasn’t even able to have that round of chemo. She has been in and out of the hospital twice in the last five or so weeks and has progressively been getting worse. I know that it’s just a matter of time until she is home with Jesus.

Most days I am handling that fact surprisingly well. Better than I ever imagined I would be able to handle it. But, some days it’s more than I can take and it’s the little things totally set me off. Tonight I found out that some friends are expecting their second baby and I was so excited for them. My first thought was that I couldn’t wait to tell Susan… and then I metaphorically hit the wall. Telling her wasn’t an option. All the things I have been wondering and thinking about came splashing down my cheeks… I cried because it hit me again that I will no longer have my best friend, the person I tell everything to... I cried as wondered for the millionth time, who I was going to have to trade recipes with, who I would be able to complain about Jason to. I wondered who was going to give me advice about whatever I needed advice about.

I cry when I think about the fact that I have no clue how to explain to my two and a half year old why he won’t be able to see his aunt any more – a person who he is around so often and whom he asks to see every. single. day. How on earth do you possibly explain this? How will he ever be able to understand. And then I cry for this little bundle of joy that I am carrying around in my belly - This little one who will never get to meet their aunt - one of the most important people in our lives.

And then I cry for my nieces and my nephew who are going to have to go though the rest of their lives without their mom. I can’t even imagine what that will be like for them. I am sick that she won’t be there for the little things in their daily lives. I am heartbroken when I think that she won’t be there for birthdays, graduations, their weddings, to see their babies.

Someone recently told me that when a loved one dies we cry for them for the first hour and then after that we cry for ourselves. I found that statement to be so profound, so true. I found myself wondering, how can we cry for someone who gets to go to paradise? Someone who gets to be whole again and free from pain and the sickness she has been battling. I’m sure when the day comes I won’t even cry for her for an hour… she’ll be in such a better place. I know that those tears that I shed will be for those of us who are left here without her.


Magic Mountain

Because I am a glutton for punishment, today I took Dillon to Six Flags Magic Mountain. (Yes, the day after I spent seven hours with him at Disneyland.) At least today I had help. My dad's company picnic was there this year, so I was there with my dad and step-mom and later my step-brother, his wife and my nephew met us there. It was a fun day despite the fact that I couldn't go on any of the fun rides (a.k.a. roller coasters).

Dillon is really into Thomas the Tank Engine so it was really cool because they have a "Thomas Land" there - complete with a Thomas Train. I think that was Dillon's favorite part of the day.


Dillon's Disney Adventure

Today I decided to take Dillon to Disneyland for a few hours. Well, a few hours turned into seven hours. Seven long hours - at Disneyland - by myself - with a two year old! I must be crazy! Since we were without Jason, I let Dillon choose which rides we rode. His picks: Alice in Wonderland, Dumbo, Casey Junior, Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh, the Jack Skellington ride (aka The Haunted Mansion), Winnie the Pooh, Jack Skellington, Winnie the Pooh and Winnie the Pooh. That's right we rode the Haunted Mansion twice and the Pooh ride five times. He definitely knows which rides he likes and doesn't like (on the "don't ride" list is Pirates of the Caribbean - he is afraid of the dark parts). By the time we got home we were both beat. Dillon went straight to bed - an hour early.